time

Well, it has been exactly one week since he left.  As much as I'd like to say "piece of cake" and "no big deal, that was easy!"... I can't.  Granted, it hasn't been as bad as the anticipatory thoughts led me to believe it'd be; it still hasn't been easy peasy lemon squeezy.  It has felt much, MUCH longer than a week.  But time has this funny way about itself.  Leading up to deployment, when I was trying to soak up every minute with him, a week felt more like a day.  Whereas now that he's gone, a day feels like a week.  Why must time be so cruel with its tricks of relativity?  However I know how it works.  In the beginning it takes a while for the wheels of time to turn, but gradually they begin to gain momentum, and faster and faster and faster they turn.  When I was little, a school year felt so permanent and eternal.  And the saddest day of the year was December 26th because you had to wait a whole YEAR for Christmas to come again.  However as I've been getting older, each year seems to be shorter than the last.  So even though these past 7 days have felt distorted and stretched, I know the next week will be better.  And the week after that.  And before I know it, I'll have a month under the belt!

So here's the big question:  how do I get time to speed up, yet put my baby girl in slow motion?

i do

This day, tied with December 12th, is my favorite day of the whole year.  February 20th marks the best day of my life... the day I was able to marry the most incredible man, my best friend.  Although we aren't able to be together this year to celebrate, I'm physically able to hold our love in my arms this very moment.  As little Reagan is sleeping cradled against my chest, she has no idea yet that she is a product of a love so pure and precious.  She is a lucky little girl to have a mommy and daddy that love each other more than words can describe, and we are even luckier to be able to call her our own.

Even though Brandon and I spent our anniversary 7,600 miles away from one another, I had a fantastic and eventful day.  Brandon's Uncle Mark and his wife Lu drove down to take me out to lunch.  We visited the historic town of Manitou Springs in the foothills of Pikes Peak, had a great little lunch, and topped it off with some ice cream.  We had a wonderful time visiting, and Reagan had an even better time being cuddled by her great-aunt Lu.  Then this evening, two of my and Brandon's friends were gracious enough to take me out to one of my favorite restaurants-- BJ's Brewhouse.  After coming home, Reagan and I watched the wedding video (yes she really did sit on my lap and watch!) and looked through the wedding photo albums.

Reminiscing our wedding day, I couldn't help but think back on how far we've come in just a single year.  We got married; lived in Indiana, Kentucky, and Colorado; I had a wonderful pregnancy while working and single-handedly coordinating a cross-country move; Brandon became an armor officer and Ranger; we had a beautiful daughter; and now we are experiencing our first deployment.  We waste no time!  =)

In honor of our anniversary, I'd like to share a clip from our "heavenly day":

blessings

Today was such a great day!  Woke up to a BEAUTIFUL blue sky-- the best comparison I can make was that it was the color of blue raspberry Koolaid.  Because we are at a higher altitude in Colorado and there is less water vapor in the air, the sky really IS bluer out here.  Since it was warm and sunny again today, I decided to take advantage of the weather and take Reagan out for a stroller adventure.

Right before we were getting ready to leave, I heard the doorbell ring.  It was a florist.  My incredible husband half a world away had sent not only 3 dozen roses, but a teddy bear... balloons... chocolates... and a sweet note.  I was like a giddy little twelve year old girl again. =)  Like my mother-in-law said, he covered all the bases!

After I fueled up on some of the chocolates, Reagan and I set off to explore a new area of post.  Following a sidewalk down the street from our neighborhood, we discovered a paved walking path that forms a huge loop at least 3 miles long.  It was amazing!  Our new future walking route leads through an open meadow and comes alongside 3 big playgrounds, a dog park, volleyball courts, baseball fields, basketball courts, and an outdoor amphitheater.  All with the gorgeous backdrop of the Rocky Mountains.

All in all, our "adventure" lasted about an hour and a half and we had such a good time (well, I had a enjoyable time, Reagan mostly slept).  It was refreshing.  The long walk gave me ample amount of time to clear my head and really count my blessings.  I feel so fortunate to have a big, warm, beautiful house... within a safe, new neighborhood... on an amazing post that has every amenity at our fingertips... inside an incredible city with tons of fun things to do.  Finding this new trail is just one of many reasons why I fall more and more in love with this post everyday.  We really couldn't have landed a better place to start our lives as a new family, and it's days like today that I can't thank God enough for all of the blessings He has bestowed upon us.

masochist

I had a huge error in judgment today.  In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, "big mistake. Huge!"

I watched this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHs5ykL-Om0

It isn't the first time I've seen the video, so I clearly knew what I was getting myself into... however something inside of me just couldn't resist.  I made it precisely 17 seconds before I got a wave of goosebumps and started crying.  Okay, crying is an understatement... bawling.  Especially at 1min 41sec, whew!  Poor Reagan looked up at me like I was crazy.  However they weren't tears of sadness that Brandon is gone; they were tears of happiness because I can empathize with each and every person who threw their arms around their soldier in joy, pride, and relief.  I cannot WAIT until I can do the same again.  Even though I tormented myself by watching the video, I'm actually kinda glad I did.  It reminded me that I'm not the first to go through this experience, and I'm certainly not the last.  All those people survived deployment and are better, stronger people because of it... and not a day goes by that they take their loved ones for granted because they know how it feels to be without them.

Lesson learned today:  I will NOT watch the Notebook or P.S. I Love You until Brandon comes home.

one day at a time

Well, the hardest part is over... the goodbye.  The moment I had been dreading for months.  Not going to lie, yesterday was the most difficult day of my life thus far... watching him walk away from Reagan and me was more painful than the day I gave birth.  Someone needs to develop a deployment epidural pronto.  However seeing my handsome husband in his combat uniform carrying his 3 large rucksacks overwhelmed me with such a powerful sense of pride.  I married my hero.  It amazes me that someone can be so brave and so strong, willing to leave his new little family, his friends, and comforts of home to travel to a place that is "hell on earth" in order to protect the freedom of people who ignore/forget the fact that we are a country at war.  He inspires me to be a strong, confident, and independent woman who can fend for herself and hold her head up when the going gets tough.  

And boy is it tough.  After dropping him off yesterday morning I cringed at the thought of coming back to an empty house.  Heck, I could hardly even drive home I was crying so hard.  But as the lonely hours progressed, I found that the sun still rose, I was still breathing, and life went on.  I didn't have the choice to spend my day crying and moping around... a precious little baby depended on me.  Granted, I may not have been the most exciting mommy to play with seeing as though I only got 2 hours of sleep, but she helped me get through my first day of deployment.  Well, her and Debrand's chocolates. =)

Today was much better than yesterday, and I'm beginning to believe everyone who says each day is easier than the last.  After all, I'm one day closer to seeing him again!  I was able to talk with him very briefly on two separate occasions and, unlike yesterday, the waterworks didn't come when I got off the phone.  Maybe I'm just dehydrated and have no tears left to produce, seeing as though I've cried the past week straight on top of being a nursing mother.  

Nonetheless, Reagan and I enjoyed the sunny 67° weather (last time I checked it WAS Colorado, right? And February??) and we went on a nice, long walk around the neighborhood.  My sister-in-law, Sarah, is coming out in a week, I booked a flight to Indy in March, made tentative plans to go to California in May for my birthday, and talked to Samantha about her visiting in June.  I'll tackle this deployment by looking forward to these small milestones, leaning on family and friends, saying lots of prayers, and taking it one. day. at. a. time.